99 First World Problems and a B*tch is Always One!

Welcome to another Edition of Random Interviews! Today’s interview is a bit different as we compile a list of First World Problems #firstworldproblems

The title is a parody to a Jay-Z song called 99 Problems, but a B*tch Ain’t One (in case you didn’t get the reference).

Daclaud Lee: Documented here are the funniest, saddest, silliest, annoying and most ridiculous 99 First World Problems that I’ve come across, and almost always, a “b*tch” is the actually problem (whether it’s someone b*tching about something or someone being a stuck up b*tch)! Hope you have a good laugh or (an eye roll) and enjoy them!

 

  1. My lawn is not as green as my neighbor’s and I still have weeds even after using that weed control and fertilizer company!

 

  1. Why do I have to work in customer service? I have a college degree! (The Job Market sucks, so don’t go to college)

 

  1. The pizza delivery guy was five minutes late, so now I’m going to complain just to get a free pizza and on top of that, I’m not going to tip him! (People treat service people like sh*t)

 

  1. I hate talking to customers because they have so many first world problems that they want to take out on me (first world problem paradox – Just ask The Burnt Out Customer Service Rep)

 

  1. There are no good movies on Netflix, Hulu or Youtube. I can’t even find anything on Pirate Bay!

 

  1. This car has no blue tooth or AUX cable for my iPhone

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  1. This restaurant is out of clams, so I’m going to write a negative review on YELP. (A perfect example of customer entitlement)

 

  1. There are too many commercials and it’s interrupting my favorite TV show.

 

  1. I’m having a bad hair day and no amount of product is able to help

 

  1. I can’t believe my parents won’t get me the latest iPhone! I’m a year behind.

 

  1. I have a college degree in Chemical Engineering (or insert another relevant degee), but the only places who are hiring are call centers.
RELATED: The Burnt Out Customer Service Rep
  1. The bartender can’t make my drink because they don’t carry Vox vodka. They only have Grey Goose, Three Olives, Skyy, Finlandia, Crystal Head, Belvedere, Absolut, Smirnoff, Stolichnaya and generic. Now I have to settle for Whiskey.

 

  1. I don’t like carrots, but the General Tso’s Chicken at this Chinese restaurant has carrots. Instead of picking them out, I’m going to complain and have them cook me another one. (This really happens, just ask The Washed up Chinese Restaurant Chef)

 

  1. I didn’t get any napkins with my take out, so I’m going to sue for a million dollars. (This really happened at McDonald’s)

 

  1. I can’t decide if I want original or extra crispy

 

  1. I don’t know how to assemble this IKEA cabinet

 

  1. They didn’t have the shirt I wanted at the Macy’s I went to, so I either have to order it online or go to the other Macy’s across town because they have one there.

 

  1. They kicked off my favorite contestant on this reality TV show and now I’m upset!

 

  1. Why are they playing “what do you mean” (by Justin Bieber) all the time on the radio?

 

  1. I tried to text at the red light, but kept getting greens. I got pulled over for texting and driving

 

  1. This song I was streaming off of Sound Cloud lagged for 5 seconds because the mobile connection sucks

 

  1. Someone ate all the cookies in the break room before I could get any.

 

  1. The free samples at the grocery store didn’t taste good, so I’m throwing it away

 

  1. Starbucks was out of pumpkin Latte
RELATED: Interview with The Pumpkin King
  1. I have to wake up an hour early just to beat the traffic jams on the freeway going to work/school

 

  1. This app only works on iPhone and not android

 

  1. I’m drunk, the bar is closing and I can’t decide if it’s better to use Uber or call a Taxi

 

  1. The water fountain got pink lemonade in my water

 

  1. I don’t have enough USB ports

 

  1. The Starbucks barista spelled my name wrong on my latte

 

  1. My headphones keep getting tangled up

 

  1. I can’t decide where to go for dinner because Val Pak sent us so many coupons!

 

  1. My internet is running slow and the customer service rep can’t help!

 

  1. My chips got stuck in the vending machine

 

  1. I don’t know how to program this universal TV remote

 

  1. Netflix just recommended Twilight for me

 

  1. My iPod died at the gym today, and I can’t exercise without music

 

  1. The automatic doors were broken, so I had to pull open a regular door

 

  1. It is really stressful owning two houses and having to manage lawn care and weed control services for both of them.

 

  1. The power is out because of a storm and now I can’t read my favorite book because I forgot to charge my Kindle.

 

  1. I couldn’t believe the fountain machine was out of Vanilla Coke! The only choices were lime coke, diet coke, coke zero or regular coke.

 

  1. I went out to an all you can eat Chinese Buffet and complained because the server was not always around to refill my drink every two minutes. Now I’m not tipping.

 

  1. The bar was out of Bud Light bottles so I had to drink bud light from the draft

 

  1. I have too much luggage and I really have to struggle at the airport

 

  1. I couldn’t open my bag of chips because my fingers were too greasy from the last bag of chips

 

  1. Someone on the internet disagrees with me

 

  1. I have more clothes than hangers

 

  1. I didn’t want to pay for coat check at the club because I needed money to buy another drink. Now I have to carry my coat around.

 

  1. This software update requires me to restart my computer

 

  1. My tablet is dying, but the charger is upstairs

 

  1. I badly need lives on Candy Crush Saga, but no one is online to give them to me

 

  1. I left my phone at home. I’m going to be so bored at work today!

 

  1. My college’s football team (Let’s say Ohio State) won, so I’m causing a riot!

 

  1. I have to wait a week for the next episode of The Walking Dead (or insert favorite TV show)
RELATED: The Zombie Apocalypse Survivor
  1. McDonald’s all day breakfast is so slow! I’m going to complain so I can get free food.

 

  1. I don’t know what I’m going to dress up as for Halloween

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  1. There is nothing in the fridge to drink but bottled spring water.

 

  1. The line is too long at the McDonald’s drive through, so I had to go inside to order

 

  1. I have over 100 games on Steam (www.steampowered.org), but I’m bored with them and don’t have time to play.

 

  1. The auto correct on my cell phone is keeps on misidentifying my curse words. I didn’t mean to say “shirt”!

 

  1. I refuse to lift a finger; I expect customer service to call me when I have a problem.

 

  1. A collections agency called me because I maxed out all 20 of my credit cards. Should I just declare bankruptcy?

 

  1. Should I go with AT&T or Verizon? Or should I just go with a pay as you go phone card from Walmart?

 

  1. My pants are getting too tight. I need to start working out again.

 

  1. I sure am craving a pizza and beer after my workout, but I know that would defeat the purpose of working out.

 

  1. The grocery store ran out of sanitizing wipes. How am I supposed to touch this nasty shopping cart?

 

  1. The 10 minute oil change place took 11 minutes.

 

  1. The lawn company couldn’t do my fertilizer because I didn’t put my dogs inside

 

  1. I don’t like the smell of this lotion from Bath and Body Works. Should I just throw it away?

 

  1. I wonder what kind of perfume/cologne I should wear for my date tonight?

  1. Who is stronger? Super Saiyin Goku or Superman?

 

  1. I can’t believe I don’t have enough PTO (paid time off) to take a full month’s vacation in the Caribbean!

 

  1. I forgot to make Valentine’s Day reservations at that high end restaurant.

 

  1. I didn’t make it to that Black Friday sale early enough!

 

  1. Should I get Botox or plastic surgery?

 

  1. I had to go to the post office to pick up a parcel because I wasn’t home to sign for it

 

  1. I forgot my social media password and now I have to reset it!

 

  1. I forgot which side of the mall I parked the car on

 

  1. I don’t know what to ask for Christmas because I already have everything I need

 

  1. I have to pee, but I’m too tired to get out of bed

 

  1. I can’t eat this ice cream cone outside because it melts too fast, so I have to go inside with the air condition is on, but it’s too cold!

 

  1. Should I get a concealed carry license or should I just learn Krav Maga? (United States)

 

  1. The GPS is not accurate and now I have to make a U-turn because I missed the street

 

  1. I can’t be seen jogging without my Ferrari work out pants and my Nike Air’s on

 

  1. This bar has over 200 craft beers on tap. Which one should I try first? Or should I get the sample flight?

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  1. The grass is too long, when are you going to be able to mow it?

 

  1. The mattress store did not have California King sized beds. Should I just settle for a regular King sized bed?

 

  1. I just got my World of Warcraft account suspended again for buying gold from a Chinese gold farmer.

 

  1. I was on a date with a girl I met on OKCupid and I forgot to place a bid on that eBay auction because I was

 

  1. During the Fall season, I have to rake the leaves off my lawn

 

  1. My snow blower isn’t working so I have to use a snow shovel to clear my driveway in the winter time

 

  1. Why is every other news article on Yahoo written about the Kardashians?
  2. There are so many unpopped kernels in my microwave popcorn!
  3. It was early release at School today, but my parents weren’t home to open the door for me, so I had to wait outside doing homework instead of playing that new video game I got.
  4. I left my umbrella at home today and it started raining so I had to take time out of my day to buy another umbrella
  5. I’m Vegetarian/Vegan by choice
  6. I bought and entire box of Magic the Gathering cards and I didn’t get any rares!
  7. I can’t believe I have all of these Noobs on my League of Legends team! They are all holding me back and causing me to lose!
  8. I keep on getting d*ck picks from all of these guys that message me! I swear, all of the guys on Tinder are just F*ck Boys!

 

 

Daclaud Lee

Daclaud Lee is a blogger, writer and webmaster for Random Interviews.