Random Interviews # Quinque (5) with Miss Clever and Lexy at Average Joe’s Bar, Henderson Rd. Columbus Ohio.
The first thing we notice is how empty such a big place is. The second thing we notice is the astounding amount of tvs! WOW! Wall to wall. The middle of the room. Everywere! Each one blazing sports or sports news in a cacophony of sound barely overtaken by the pop music playing. This place must jump off during big games. I’m very surprised flat screens weren’t on the floors and ceilings! Maybe in the not so distant future. Ahhh, the future. Where we’ll all drive flying cars, live in a society without famine or money, and all meals will be in pill form. Wait. That was the 1950’s view on how we’d have been living 14 years ago! Nevermind…
We order our beers from a truly cool bartender. After he goes to help others DL considers his beverage then comments to us about how this pumpkin ale is not as good as the one he just had at Gallos. DB and I have another IPA with no complaints. We let the sporting gear clad bartender know why we’re there. He seems excited, even cool about it, but won’t submit to an interview since he’s one of the managers and doesn’t want to make the place look bad. But being a really good sport, he picks one of his employees, Miss Clever, to interview with us. She’s a bit nervous, so her friend/co-worker, Lexy, decides to offer her services as “wingman.” (-Though, to be honest, I’ve never seen a wing “man” with as dazzling a smile or as impressive of… errmmm…. ummm… upper torso personality???)
This ended up being a very short interview since the girls were previously engaged with company waiting for them at the bar. They were good sports nonetheless.
Lord Veil –(to whomever answers first) What do you like about this place?
Miss Clever –I don’t know. Making money?
Lexy –The clientelle.
LV –Any strange things happen here?
MC –Oh, God, All the time.
L –Sex in the bathroom is almost on a daily basis. (both laughing) Some old guy kissed me on the lips tonight!
DL –How’d ya feel about that?
L –I just kinda tolerated it since he hasn’t paid his bill yet. (both giggle)
LV –Anything else?
L –Been kissed by a woman on Halloween. (both girls titter about when it was and how it happened at the costume contest/party Average Joes had last year before Lexi continues) She was a stripper. She was nice! She showed me her boobs. I showed her mine. She tipped me well! Can I interview you?
LV –[passes over a pad and pen] Of course! [It should be noted that I never actually got interviewed since, as mentioned earlier, the girls had been previously engaged before we got there. So, after they went to the bathroom in unison, I decided to let them off the hook with a few easy “Marry, Fuck or Kill”questions before releasing them into the wild.]
LV –Bieber, Kirk or Wolverine?
MC – Marry Captain Kirk, Fuck the hell out of Wolverine. I mean you have to. And definitely kill Bieber.
L –Yes. Kill bieber. I’m the same. You definitely marry Kirk and fuck Wolverine.
LV –Lebron, Brad Pitt or the Rock?
MC –Ooh! I’m marrying Brad Pitt!
L –Even old Pitt? Have you seen him lately? Why not just fuck him?
MC –If I marry him I can fuck him all I want! Then I fuck the Rock and totally kill Lebron.
L –Killing Lebron over and over! (both laugh) I’m marrying the Rock and just fucking Brad.
LV – Jack Black, Superman and Wonder Woman?
MC –Dunno what to do about Jack Black. Marrying Superman and fucking Wonder Woman.
L –I’m marrying Wonder Woman and fucking Superman. Killing Jack Black! Although brief, our visit was enjoyable. Friendly staff and open atmosphere. I’m wondering what it’s like during one of these parties… Sex in the bathroom??? Boob baring strippers kissing boob baring staff??? Old guys randomly kissing waitresses??? Bringing the video camera next time!