KaRRRRAZZZY Kahoots Interview Sechs, Part 2 with Vivacious Vera.
Let’s get back to the darkness. Back to pulse-pounding music enhanced by nearly naked gyrating female bodies. Back to the elegance of the lobby. Back to the $5.00 Long Island iced tea. Back to private dances and interesting conversations. Back to confident women and the sweaty browed men affectionately tossing money at them. Let’s get back to Kahoots (a wild place to eat) Cabaret! This is the second half of our interview there. Myself, Gene and Daclaud are now at two of the previously mentioned beverages in.
We had just been interviewing another dancer when another catches my eye from the stage. Sage (our previous interviewee) has gone off to headline, then perform for others. This (as described before) svelt, pink haired and tall beauty slips into the seat that was once inhabited by Sage. After hearing what we’re all about from Daclaud (DL), she eagerly agrees to be interviewed by me (LV). Her name is Vera (V).
We pause for a minute because I notice a girl on stage who’s not getting tipped. This is a travesty! She definitely deserves to! Her moves are in time with the music in a fluid motion of sexuality and innocence. She looks young, shorter than the rest, but old enough. She’s got blondish shoulder-length hair and giant saucerish eyes. Since I don’t like to tip dancers in the usual fashion, I hand my interviewee a couple bucks and ask Vera to help me out.
LV – Can you give this to her in an interesting manner???
Vera flashes that dazzling smile of hers while answering,
V – Sure! What’s interesting?
LV – You could use your teeth?
V – How about my lips? You never know where these dollars have been… (said with wry and open humor)
LV – True… And a little intriguing, considering where we are! (both laughing)
V – Riiiiight??? Lips okay, then?
I give a simultaneous wink with a click of my tongue to the inside wall of my teeth and the thumbs up, thus letting her know to go for it. Vera has absolutely no fear in doing this for her co-worker. Why should she? She walks boldly to the stage, smile blazing, mission minded and I dutifully follow. Our saucer-eyed dancer has moved off to get a tip just before Vera got to her, so we wait awkwardly by the stage, side by side, until she’s ready to return.
I’ve been around strip clubs and/or naked women in one fashion or another my whole “grown-up” life. So I’m not ever nervous around women, not afraid to talk to girls and never giddy around them. That said. Standing by that stage next to Vera in such close proximity was an awakening experience. There’s obviously no expectation of sex. This is a cabaret, so they’re not selling sex. They’re providing men and women with a nearly touchable erotic fantasy. They’re performers. But there’s something else.
As I’m queing there next to her, as the music’s pounding, as the lights dance across our skin, as we’re watching both young dancers/headliners working it on stage, as we’re patiently waiting to perform this inane act (we’re both completely committed to), our forearms are about an inch apart. I swear I feel electricity emanating from her skin! I can feel it in a silent but violent conversation with the energy radiating from my own. I chance a glance at her eyes. So aware and very open with blatant mischeif painted across the surface. I know this will be a fun interview!
After our tip to her fellow dancer I begin with a vanilla question. Just to get things rolling.
LV – What’s the stupidest/strangest thing you’ve seen in this place?
She has to think for a bit.
V – There’s so much! I don’t know… Lemme think about it? PASS? For now? (laughing!)
Later on we circle back to the question since the thing that stands out has just sprung to mind.
V – Oh, I got it! A guy came in here and got a dance from me and wanted me to grip and yank his nipples as hard as I could. Till my hands hurt! He kept wanting me to grip and yank them harder and harder! Priceless! (laughing)
LV – At least he got his money’s worth if your hands were hurting after!
V – Right!
LV – Most beautiful thing?
V – My back yard. It’s like a rain forest. Breathtaking. I love nature. And art. I love art and artistic things.
LV – I do too.
Vera and I have become friends outside of Kahoots. As a matter of fact, be on the lookout from her as our newest Random Interviewer! I asked her to take a couple of random pics for the article, so she took pics from her apartment. The first one’s a piece of pencil art she bought.
The second one’s a shopping cart she cut the side off of, painted gold and turned into a couch!
LV – What’s the ugliest thing that springs to mind?
V – Ummm… Brainfreeze.
LV – I don’t care what it is. It could be me, it could be anything. Something ugly.
V – Vomit or human poop on the street!
LV – EW! Good one! Here’s a few rapid fire questions. First response. The zombie apocalypse has taken place. You’re a post apocalypse heroine. What’s your weapon of choice?
V – A machete! Cuz you can just chop off the head and call it a day! You never have to reload!
LV – Aliens take over and you have 24 hours to amaze them. Go!
V – I’d immediately want to get naked for them but you don’t even know if they like human form. Got it! I’d wow them with CRAZY POLE TRICKS!
LV – Marry, Fuck or Kill. The Rock, Wolverine or Captain Kirk
V – You definitely marry Captain Kirk and you fuck the Rock and Wolverine. Together if possible!
Being a lifelong Trekkie, this makes me very happy to hear that she’s a sci-fi fan-girl!
LV – Wonder Woman, Dark Phoenix or Gamora?
V – Fuck all three. Yes. Definitely that. Too complicated to marry a woman these days. People have sticks up their asses about people being happy, I guess.
LV – You’re forced to marry a zombie in order to unite the human race in peace with the zombie hoardes. Doesn’t matter who it is.
V – James Franco. That man would be hot even as a zombie!
She’s getting called to headline the stage, so I ask a final question:
LV – A dwarf slug insect alien queen has taken over Earth and has chosen you as her pleasure tool or the human race perishes in a terrible fashion. Does the humanity fall? Do you phone it in?
V – I’M GOING FOR IT!!!
As Vera hits the stage it’s like a party has instantly started. Within two seconds, she’s tornadoing upside down and verticle on the dancer’s pole. Her eye-catching pink-neon hair sends the message of a whirlwind girl on fire as she performs what can only be described as a masterwork of pole-gymnastics. Yes. I actually think she could wow aliens with these tricks!
Once she’s finished with her heart-attack inducing pole antics, she’s now on all fours crawling toward a customer wearing a seductive “come hither” smile as naturally as one wears skin. Her long muscle-toned body is as appetizing as a gourmet all you can eat buffet as she slinks and dances for each customer, male and female, in turn. She now owns the entire audience.
Dollar bills are flying from wallets. Drinks are cheered and music accents the celebration that she’s just ignited with the simple act of removing her black and white striped top! I send another girl on stage to tip her. With teeth this time. Twice.
Gene and Daclaud are definitely into the energy. G has tips lined up for the second dancer, DL hands me his remaining ones and tells me to go for it since he’s sticking with his “I don’t tip dancers because I don’t like feeling like I’m being hustled” stance.
I notice my first interviewee, and GI’s favorite dancer, Sage, on the other side of the room wowing another group of clients and I give her a wave. She returns a wink and a smile. The DJ announces two-for-one dances and G, since I’m actually a starving artist and family man who can’t afford such things, slides me two twenties as Vera approaches. She winks at him as she drags me further into the darkness of the back of the club.
I’ve never been here before, so it’s a bit surreal as I’m led to the grey fabric curtained booths where the private dances are held. I’ve had quite a few lap dances in my day, but this was very different. Not all sexually charged like Gene’s. Vera’s all raw sexuality on the stage, to be sure. Absolutely no doubt there. But there seems something different going on. She’s very good at conversation. A truly creative person with interests in art and nature. Sure she’s dancing for me, and sitting on my lap and topless and very sexy. But there are moments when the dancing stops and all we are is a boy and a girl talking about life and what makes it wonderful.
As we’re talking and she’s dancing I noticed one of the Kahoots caretakers looking in every now and again to make sure nothing untoward is going on in the booths. This is for the protection of the girls as well as Kahoots’ reputation as a respectable gentleman’s club, I believe. I’m kind of thankful for this since it means that they have respect for both the girls and the customer.
We get back to my table and there’s my third Long Island waiting for me. I thank Gene and take a big drink. There’s a brunette girl in a cream colored boustierre sitting on DL’s lap trying to get him to buy a dance. Gene’s laughing because he knows DL’s not going to bite. Vera and I are laughing because DL’s executing every excuse in the book to politely decline. He tries mentioning why we’re there, but she’s persistent so he uses the old, “I’m a faithful husband” rigmarole that no-one ever buys. She doesn’t either, but gets the hint and takes off nonetheless.
Vera is ever the good sport and we just can’t seem to stop talking to each other, so I go ahead and ask another question.
LV – If you were a Rock Star, what would your Rock Star name be?
V – Vera? I don’t know. I kinda already feel like a Rock Star in here. You know? I perform for people… Let me think about it…
LV – Is that what you would want people to be chanting for you? Does it really describe YOU and the kind of artist you would be?
V – What do you mean?
I quietly explain how I came to my stage name for the past twenty years (a confession reserved for friends and family at the moment) and she thinks for a second. After some honest consideration:
V – NAKED. As in real and true. We’re born naked. I work naked. If I were a Rock Star I’d want to be known as free and fearless. Plus, it would be so cool to hear people shouting NAKED! NAKED NAKED! To get me on stage!
My interview with Vera (aka Naked) was at times wild, sometimes intimate, but definitely interesting. She’s fun and exciting. Vera was sincere and nowhere near clueless or trashy like it’s suggested by conservatives that an exotic dancer would be. And I think this embodies the spirit Kahoots seems to look for in their girls. Exciting, classy and sexy. Go see for yourselves!