Interview #yut (1) 一 was with a person we’ll call “Andrea AWESOME” at the Surly Girl Saloon, N High Street, Columbus, Ohio, The Short North.
I ordered “Lone Crow” (a Lone Star beer and a shot of Old Crow) for $5.50, Awesome price!, and a cup of chicken pozole soup, which was delicious despite not being super spicy like I enjoy!
*Disclaimer: The interviewees were informed by the interviewer(s), LV & DL, that most of these would be spoof questions and asked to answer them in like fashion and should in no way reflect the opinions or policies of the named establishment as the purpose of said interview is entertainment.
*It should also be noted that some answers will be paraphrased, but never embellished, if I think it’s funnier that way!
LV: What brought you to Surly Girl?
AA: I needed a job! Actually I had been trying to work here for years but the turn around rate isn’t very fast so it took a while to get in. I’ve been a bartender for twenty years, but this is where I wanted to work.
DL: How long have you been here?
AA: 2 1/2 years
LV: What’s the strangest thing you’ve seen in this place?
AA: Top two. Had a gentleman fall asleep face down in his food. And this one chick tee-peed the bathroom after getting sick all over the place! It was all over the stalls. On the sink. Horrible!
LV: Do you think she was drunkenly trying to cover the Luke with the toilet paper?
AA: I dunno but it was definitely intentional! (All laughing)
LV: So being a bartender you must have to deal with a lot of bad pickup lines. What’s the best one?
AA: I’m married, so the worst pickup lines come from my husband. You know those Coca Cola polar bears in the Christmas commercials? They crack me up. Yaaaaaa, he imitates those in my ear and its all tickly. He also likes to imitate horrible lines from Trailer Park Boys. Even though I hate that show! And I don’t know if it counts but I’m in the background of other people’s pics on Tinder and OkCupid.com?”
LV: This bar’s slightly pirate themed. Do you think you ever plundered booty in a former life?
AA: [haughty chuckle as if to lead to a yes] Probably not.
LV: [I point at the garters hanging on the horns of the skeletal steer head adorning the main bar mirror]Has anyone actually worn those?
AA: YES! They came from a bachelorete party someone had here.
DL: I didn’t even notice those!
LV: So what’s the weirdest thing you’ve found here?
AA: A tooth!
LV: Did you… [I look around] Where’d you hang THAT!?
AA: Nooooooo we didn’t keep it! [Laughing]
LV: A bunch of women run this place. If the world degenerated into anarchy, lawlessness and chaos would this bar still exist with the girls who run it as badass gunslingers?
LV: Here’s my phone. Take a completely random pic of anything in the bar.
Above: They have a lot of interesting tidbits and novelty items decorating The Surly Girl Saloon, but I have no idea where this portrait is… Maybe you can find? – Daclaud
LV: If the price were right would this place host a pirate/gunslinger/rock-n-roll orgy?
AA: If it’s legal… YES! In a heartbeat!
LV: Need a Hell of a clean-up crew after that!
AA: Gross, but yes… [all Laughing]
AA: [to DL] You want another beer?
DL: Yes, actually. You pick. Anything. I’m easy.
LV: [mutters] Yaaaaaa, he’s a man whore… [both miss the remark]
DL: [reads the bottle] Musk of the Minotaur. I think I had this last time! It’s good!
LV: What’s your favorite drink, Andrea?
AA: Well… I’m a tequila girl. Tequila, neat. Blanco. Well… Anything but Cuervo. Unless I’m drunk and its chilled…
LV: Oh, I HATE Cuervo! It’s like congealed piss reliquified and bottled!
AA: Ew! But TOTALLY!!!
LV: If paid $100,000.00, would you drink it from the armpit of a sweaty dwarf wrestler after a match?
AA: HELL YA!!!
LV: Would Surly Girl ever lend itself as the set of a porno movie?
AA: For the right price! But I think anything’s possible for the right price. But we’d have to circle back to the whole legal and clean up crew thing. And you know? Sometimes I wonder if we already haven’t inadvertently been the set of one due to some of the customers’ antics!
Overall, our visit to Surly Girl was wonderful and our hostess more than accommodating. We love good sports who embrace the ridiculous!