The Zombie Apocalypse Survivor

The zombie apocalypse is something that many people (mostly Millennials of Gen Y) wish for. In many ways it’s like a new start. It’s the day when a zero can finally become a hero. Tonight’s interview is ten generic questions with a zombie apocalypse survivor.

Daclaud Lee: What kind of person were you before the apocalypse? What was your life like before the zombie outbreak?

Zombie Apocalypse Survivor: I was a college graduate working a job that was soul crushing. I worked customer service at a call center and I often felt like my life was empty. Life was pretty dull and meaningless. I felt stuck in a dead end job and a dead end life. I was literally about to commit suicide that day.

SAM WORTHINGTON (R) and ELIZABETH BANKS (L) star in MAN ON A LEDGE
Above: Don’t jump! The zombie apocalypse just started! And… that’s how my life was saved! #firstworldproblems

DL: Why do you think you survived the initial outbreak? Were you more prepared or was it just good luck?

ZAS: To be honest, I think it was mainly due to me being an introvert. See, I don’t have much interaction with people outside of work and since I work at a call center environment, I have my own cubical space, so I was relatively protected. Outside of work, I never place myself in situations where I’m surrounded by people. The initial outbreaks started innocently enough in crowded areas such grocery stores, department stores, malls, hospitals and  public places. People just didn’t have a chance to respond and it all seemed to have happened at once. Soon the looting began and we were just individuals left to fend for ourselves.

zombieland survivors go loot twinkies

Above: Looting a Twinkie truck like in Zombieland.

DL: Do you have any fighting or combat abilities?

ZAS: Does Call of Duty Modern Warfare count? I am not a specialized combatant or fighter, but I do have some limited knowledge of hand to hand combat, guns and melee. To be honest, I’m more afraid of other humans than I am of zombies.

Humans are dangerous, sadistic beings, zombies are not. The last person you’d want to run into is a tyrannical despot or a psychopathic murder or rapist. Zombie Apocalypse Hannibal Lector or John Wayne Gacy would be extremely dangerous! Not to mention all of those sick bastards from those animal torture and Red Room sites found on the Deep Web.

DL: What is your melee weapon of choice?

ZAS: I have several. My main melee weapon would be the Cold Steel Thai Machete. It’s both a machete and a sword. I also keep a Tac Force Big Boy Stiletto as a back up knife. I also have a vest filled with Kunai throwing knives, which I use as a last resort, but I suppose those are more ranged weapons.

DL: Now that you mentioned Ranged weapons, are throwing knives your favorite or do you carry guns as well?

ZAS: As my primary, I have an AR-15 that was given to me by my friend. It holds 30 rounds and is good for long ranged firing. For medium range, I have a 12 Gauge shotgun that I sawed off. It holds about 8 rounds and is nice and compact; all you have to do is point and shoot and it will take out a small horde coming in at medium to short range. Shotgun rounds are also fairly common and can be found at just about any Walmart or sporting goods store. I also have two Beretta 9mm as side arms. 9mm rounds are fairly common just like shotgun rounds. I may also keep a crossbow as well for silent shots. A crossbow can be good for hunting too, assuming there are still animals left.

left 4 dead zombie apocalypse survivors
Above: We’re packing heat like the characters from Left 4 Dead!

DL: Most people are only thinking about weapons, but what are some other essential items for Zombie Apocalypse survival?

ZAS: Obviously you will need tools and appropriate protective clothing. You should travel light so you won’t encumber yourself, but you still need to be able to keep essential items for survival.

  • Clothing – You will want to ward off bites. So leather jackets, motorcycle armor, leather and latex gloves. Motorcycle helmet with visor can protect your head and face, but you will need a neck guard. Those gorgets that medieval soldiers used to wear, those are perfect for protecting your neck. People underestimate this, but latex gloves too, so you don’t contaminate yourself later on due to a lack of running water.
  • Backpack – You will need a good backpack to carry your essential supplies.
  • Fishing Pole – assuming there are fish left, you can easily dig up worms for bait. A collapsing pole is best, so it won’t be so awkward and you can place it in your backpack. You can probably loot a retail store or almost anyone’s house to find one.
  • Pots and pans – You can carry one of these to cook food with. These can be looted in almost any house.
  • Hunting knife and Machete – A hunting knife is essential for skinning animals for food as well as descaling fish. Just make sure you don’t cross contaminate! A machete can be good for chopping brush in the forest as well as double as a zombie killing weapon. I recommended the Thai Machete before because it is practically a sword too.

DL: What about essential survival skills? What would you recommend a person learn to survive the Zombie Apocalypse?

ZAS: Any knowledge is better than no knowledge. I would recommend these survival skills:

  • Water Purifying and Sanitizing – you can’t just drink water or else you can get sick. With no antibiotics left you won’t survive long. But as humans, we need to stay hydrated or we die. If you know how to purify and sanitize water, then you will be able to survive.
  • Scavenging – Food and equipment will be scarce because there will be no more factories producing them. You will need to know where to find certain items by scavenging. Having a good analytical mind helps determine where these items can be found, such as where to find fruit trees and bushes for example.
  • Gardening and Farming – It isn’t as easy as it appears. Having a general idea of how and when to plant seeds for fruit and vegetables as well as when to harvest them is essential because grocery stores will be empty.
  • Hunting and Fishing – If you want meat, then these skills will be essential. Just be aware that game will probably be scarce because the zombies will be eating all the animals or worse, the animals will turn into zombies too. I guess you wouldn’t need to worry about these skills if the later happens.
  • Breeding – I don’t know anything about breeding, but it should be easy as having a male and female animal assuming they are not gay. In the absolute worst case scenarios, you may have to breed domestic animals such as dogs, cats and maybe even hamsters to eat. It might not be pleasant, but it’s meat so you won’t have to resort to cannibalism (like those guys from Terminus from the Walking Dead series).
garret terminus walking dead
Above: Garret seems like a nice guy, but he’s a lying douche bag, the type of guy who will eat you alive…

DL: You didn’t mention Cardio.

ZAS: With all my guns, ammo and melee weapons? Who needs cardio? Let’s just shoot em up and hack up up!

DL: If you could choose, who would you pick as your Zombie Apocalypse survival team? The categories are Leader, Brains, Medic, Weapons Specialist, Speed Fighter, Mascot, First to Die

ZAS: I’m just going to choose from my favorite anime and video game characters.

  • Leader – Captain Harlock – He seems to have his sh*t together.
  • Brains L from Death Note because the guy is a genius
  • Medic – Porum the White Mage (Final Fantasy 4) – Healing magic counts right?
  • Weapons Specialist –  Snake Eyes from GI Joe because he is he proficient in all ninja weapons and he also knows his guns.
  • Speed FighterAisha from Outlaw Star because she has super strength and speed
  • MascotPikachu from Pokemon because he can shock the hell out of the zombies
  • First to DieJustin Bieber because we all hate him and the fact that I can’t think of any anime characters I would want to kill off. Yeah I know he’s not an anime or video game character, but he’s the only person I’d want dead.

DL: What do you miss the most about life before the zombie apocalypse?

ZAS: Hot showers! God I miss those like crazy! Hot water is a rarity these days. Especially since there are hardly any engineers left who have not gone psycho and turned into mad hermits or even madder cannibals.

DL: Can’t you just go to a library and find a book on “How to build a solar generator?”

ZAS: Dude, do you really think I like to read? I mean seriously, how many people do you think read your blog? Everyone prefers video! I mean since Youtube is no longer active during the zombie apocalypse, I am just totally lost! I need video instructions! Like Herman Cain once said, “I don’t like to read”! By the way, you really should get on Youtube with Random Interviews. It’s not too late man!

DL: I would if I were a hot 19 year old chick with big boobs, but that’s not me. I doubt I’d be good with the girls, because I’m not some dude who likes to wear make up like Onision; I’m neither of those, so I’m really not cool enough for Youtube. But I was cool for the summer because I listened to that Demi Lovato song! Wait a minute… I’m supposed to be asking the questions!

ZAS: My theory is that people think interviews are boring… and you’re probably not a good writer either.

DL: You hurt my feelings… I thought I was actually doing well as a content writer… Wait a minute, who asked you anyways?

ZAS: I thought you did, but that’s just my 2 cents (per click)! Call it constructive criticism dude!

sweet brown ain't nobody got time for that
Above: This is probably why I’m not getting any adsense money on this blog…

DL: Ahem… Okay, so next question… What do you fear the most in the apocalypse wasteland? Is it a raging undead berserker?

ZAS: Nah. Been there, done that. My biggest fear is running into really crazy and evil people like Lord Humongous! That dude was just plain scary! And no matter how many guys you have on your side, evil leaders like him always have more!

Lord_Humungus

DL: Lord Humongous? The guy from Mad Max: The Road Warrior? Excuse me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that the wrong type of apocalypse?

ZAS: Dude! An apocalypse is an apocalypse! There could be very well a guy like Lord Humongous in The Walking Dead universe! And there is! His name is Negan!

DL: I miss Glenn…

ZAS: I do too, but this ain’t no place for no hero! This ain’t no place for no better man! We have to stand firm and kill everyone who tries to kill us in the Wasteland!

DL: Let’s do it! </sarcasm>

Vampire Costumes &amp; Accessories for Halloween

Daclaud Lee

Daclaud Lee is a blogger, writer and webmaster for Random Interviews.