Interview Octo (8) with Victor Frankenstein at the Dreary Inn
Daclaud Lee: Dr. Frankenstein? It’s very nice to meet you sir, my name is Daclaud with randominterviews.com
Victor Frankenstein: Sir? (Laughs out loud), how quaint… The pleasure is mine, Daclaud. Please, sit down. And call me Victor. I’m no longer a doctor…
DL: Do you think I could interview you this evening?
VF: Normally I would say no, but as long as you don’t mind joining me for a cup of wine, then I’ll be happy to converse.
DL: Fair enough, first question, you said you were no longer a doctor. What happened? Why did you stop practicing?
VF: I was teaching at the University and doing research on the side when I was caught in an affair with several of my students; all at the same time.
DL: All at the same time? You mean they were all in the same room? With you?
VF: Yes and we had sex together… All six of them, but in one body and one mind…
DL: Sounds very “New Age”… So how the hell did you manage to pull that off? Were they all failing or something?
VF: No, they were all quite brilliant… I would have described them as having been imbued with a fervent longing to penetrate the secrets of nature. In spite of the intense labor and wonderful discoveries of modern philosophers, they always come from their research and studies discontented and unsatisfied.
You see, a female student of mine, her name was Amanda, reminded me of my late wife, Elizabeth, well at least her face and hair… but she was a bit shorter than Elizabeth and her eyes were not the same color. Finding a match was difficult, but I saw Elizabeth’s eyes in another one of my students, I believe her name was Jennifer, those bright blue cheerful eyes that I had fallen in love with years ago! And another student, I believe her name was Rose had a similar body type to my dear Elizabeth and…
DL: Okay, I hate to cut you short Victor, but how did you get them all in one room? And naked?
VF: That night I invited them all to my estate for a dinner party. Surprisingly all of them came… With their appetites none, the less as the food and wine was laced with cyanide. One by one they all succumbed to the effects of the poison and perished… all except one, Martha was her name, whom I had to shoot with my wheel lock pistol. I shot her in the head because I had no use for her ugly head, but her legs were like the legs of a salsa dancer, so I made sure to keep them intact.
DL: (spits out wine) Dear god man! Good thing I didn’t drink much of this.
VF: Do not worry Daclaud, I drank from this bottle too (and many others) and believe me, I’m fine. I’m not trying to kill you.
DL: Just to be safe, I think I’ll have a beer instead… On second thought, I don’t think I’ll be drinking at all tonight. Go on.
VF: (Laughs) I understand. After I was sure they were all dead, I called for my assistant Igor and we proceeded to take bodies to the basement of my estate, where I began… Long story short, her limbs were in proportion, and I had selected her features as beautiful. Beautiful! Great God! Her pale skin scarcely covered the work of muscles and arteries beneath; her hair was of a lustrous blonde, and flowing; her teeth of a pearly whiteness; but these luxuriances only formed a more horrid contrast with her watery eyes, that seemed almost of the same colour as the dun-white sockets in which they were set, her shrivelled complexion and straight black lips.
DL: Do you have a picture?
VF: As a matter of fact, I do.
DL: Okay… Next question: Bang, Marry or Kill – now you can only pick one option for each woman: Lorna Morgan, Octomom, Halley Berry
VF: I would kill all of them, marry all of them and finally on our honeymoon, bang all of them at the same time.
DL: You can’t do that Victor, you have to pick one option for each woman.
VF: Yes I can. I’m Victor Frankenstein. I am god.
DL: Sure… I’ll jot that down… Have you ever been arrested?
VF: Well… actually yes… It was for failure to pay Child Support… See I have over 50 children. Here’s a picture of one of my daughters, her name is Katrina. Isn’t she beautiful?
DL: Um yeah… I guess…
VF: And here is one of my sons, his name is Reginald and he is a line backer for his high school football team; he is also on the wrestling team.
DL: I don’t even know what to ask next… who do you have to pay child support to?
VF: Even though they are fully grown adults when I created them, they are still technically children on paper, so the money I make goes to them. I tried my best to keep up with the payments but my experiments got in the way. I’m actually supposed to serve three days this weekend in the county jail.
DL: Then why the hell do you keep on having kids man?
VF: Had I right, for my own benefit, to inflict this curse upon everlasting generations? I had before been moved by the sophisms of the beings I had created; I had been struck senseless by their fiendish threats; but now, for the first time, the wickedness of my promise burst upon me; I shuddered to think that future ages might curse me as their pest, whose selfishness had not hesitated to buy its own peace at the price, perhaps, of the existence of the whole human race. It was all for science.
DL: And I thought Octomom had issues. So wait… those six college students, even though they were of age, weren’t they also you daughter, technically?
VF: I am not a lawyer, Daclaud, so please don’t go there.
DL: Favorite movie?
VF: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (his speech was beginning to slur)
DL: You’ve had a lot to drink, Victor, do you want me to call you a cab?
VF: No thank you, as I do not drive. Igor is my coachman and he will be picking me *hiccup* up shortly after he finishes his rounds at the funeral home *hiccup*.
DL: Victor, are you alright? You look a little drunk.
VF: No, it’s nothing, I’m perfectly fine. Shall we continue?
DL: Certainly, so what of your first creation? Your first son, I should say. Where is he and what is he doing?
*Suddenly, Victor’s eyes shot wide open and as his entire body twitched, he had the look of a madman*
VF: Swear to me, Walton! That he shall not escape; that you will seek him, and satisfy my vengeance in his death! *incoherent babbling*
Walton! *hiccup* If I should die and if he should appear; if the ministers of vengeance should conduct him to you, swear to me Walton! Swear to me that he shall not live-swear that he shall not triumph over my accumulated woes and survive to add to the list of his dark crimes. The monster is eloquent and persuasive; and once his words had even power over my heart: but trust him not, Walton!
DL: Victor… Dude… I’m not “Walton”. I have no f*cking idea who Walton is! I’m Daclaud, remember? From Randominterviews.com, okay? You’re babbling way too much, but I suppose that’s because you’re the product of 19th century literature. But thank you for the interview… and good evening… I’m out!
VF: Walton! Please, Walton! Think of William, Justine, Clerbval, Elizabeth, my father, and of the wretched Victor, and thrust your sword into his heart. I will hover near, and direct the steel aright! *security rushes to restrain Victor Frankenstein* Get your hands off me! Walton, please! Promise me you will slay him! Walton I beg of you! Walton!
DL: Oh my god… this guy really thinks I’m “Walton”. He’s drunk out of his mind… I’m out of here…
Police Officer: Frankenstein! You know you’re on probation, mother f*cker! Hands behind your back!
Above: Shortly after I left, the local constabulary had arrested Victor Frankenstein for disorderly conduct and violating his probation. (note, it was not me who called the cops on him, they just happened to be present).